Don't Show your Mom
Why your friends and family aren't good judges of your writing
Many new writers with limited resources turn to their family and friends for advice. Find out why this isn't helpful in the long run.
"I showed my mom and some of my friends. They really liked it. One of my best friends told me I really had talent and he doesn't normally like poetry."
This is an actual quote in an email I received from a writer who was looking for advice. Many new writers and writer wannabes fall into the trap of taking their next steps based on feedback from their family and friends. Unfortunately, this can set you up for a major disappointment. They love you, and they're willing to give you the time to read what you wrote. So why aren't family and friends good judges of your writing?
1. They love you too much.
Since they love you so much, they want to give you hope, and do so in the form of "not hurting your feelings." They tell you that the book sounds great, even if they aren't totally sure. Many people don’t know how to give constructive criticism, so they don’t give it at all. This is strike one for the writer who could benefit from an honest review.
2. They aren't experienced editors.
Most of the general population will admit they are poor spellers, bad at grammar, and occasionally, “can’t write a letter to save my life.” This isn’t helpful for writers who need an honest critique of their skills. I recently read a fiction ebook for a colleague. Of the dozen or so family members she had read it, none had caught the hundreds of errors she made in the first chapter alone – or they failed to tell her. This could have been devastating if she had chosen to send it directly to an agent or editor.
3. They have nothing to compare it to.
Agents and editors who must stay current with what's being published in the world of literature are much more in the moment about what is hot. Your dad, the expert of Gander Mountain catalogs and Zane Grey novels that he is, probably isn't in the know about the current standards of literature. This sets the writer at a disadvantage because they aren't able to receive feedback that helps them bring their work up to speed. Maybe this year memoirs are hot, but by the time you get your book published, the masses will be on to something else. When you share your work with someone closer to the industry, they can help you decide on the most effective style for your work.
Having family and friends read your work isn’t a totally bad thing. By sharing your writing with people close to you, you practice bearing your soul in a way that many people are unwilling to do. If you think your family will enjoy your projects, by all means, share them. However, think twice before using them as your only method of editing before shipping your manuscript off to New York.
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